december .

the first thing i want to say is that i feel like December is going to be an emotional month for me .

I don't know why but as soon as i realized it was the 1st of December, i felt as if my tears are going to flow non-stop . Have you ever had that feeling as if all of the world is against you ? The feeling when even though there are family and friends holding you up but still you feel as if it's time to give up ? When you feel kind of abandoned without a rope to hold on to ? Have you ?

I jut don't know what is wrong with me .

tired .

the last few day have been tiring .

bad stuff always happens when you're having fun don't they ?

firstly, i just wanna say that i'm thankful that the family is back together again . Alhamdulillah, Ayah & Mak dah selamat pulang dari tanah suci Mekkah . Mereka dah selamat mengerjakan ibadah Haji dan sekarang sudah bergelar Hj. dan Hjh. Alhamdulillah .

Dalam hari yg sama ketibaan diorang, my cousin got engaged . Disebabkan parents kami yg tak berapa nk sihat dan penat jadi kami tak dapat menghadiri . Sorry ya kak Ayut and family ! But I saw the pictures and you looked reaaaallly beautiful that day !

The saddest part is that on the same day, my Uncle meninggal . He was already sick but that week it seemed he was getting worse . Tapi memang kami semua tak sangka yang dia akan meninggalkn kami pada hari itu . Even if I wasn't that close to Anjak Subuh , but he had alway been the kind of person that's always there for our family . I think my mom felt more sad because the last time she saw him was before dia berangkat ke Mekkah . Now that he's gone, kami amat merasakan kehilangan dia . Moga moga dia ditempatkan di antara orang orang yg di kasihi Allah . Amin .

So with everything that had happened, I'm soorry for not updating people !

nervous .

whooooaaa !

i'm actually kinda nervous because ma & pa are coming back in like 2 daaaaaysss !

whhoooaaa ! time flies people . i'm just nervous of what the verdict might be . yoou know us living without them . i wanted to know moms opinions on how we took care of her house and such . And dads constant grumbling . i miss it actually .

i'm just wondering would it be awkward ?

youknow they've been a way for llike 44 days . that's like a month ++ . so i'm kinda nervous . at the same time i'm excited. i haven't seen them in a while. and sometimes when the time comes to miss them, it was soooo hard . it's not that i'm too dependent on them . but i guess i was before this . now i guess i've learnt to be more independent . just asking for help when it really was necessary .

haaaaaaaa~~! i 'm nervouusss ~~!

antics .

people have many antics no matter where they are, what they're doing or who they're with .

EVERYONE has antics !

Even i have antics ! Sometimes i'm HAPPY and pranking everyone, sometimes i'm CRAZY and singing at the top of my lungs, sometimes i'm SAD, crying and having a bad day, sometimes i'm ANGRY and yelling and throwing things around . That's how I am . That's what you don't know about me .

I may look like a girl that always smiles through everything but i'm NOT . I have my weaknesses like everybody else . I may look like a girl that doesn't feel anything when you say bad things about her, but i'm NOT that kind of girl . I may not SHOW it, but i DO have feelings .

So PLEASE watch what YOU say when you joke around .

There's a boundary to every joke you know . You have to know the boundaries to make it fun . If not then the thing' you say may HURT someone whether you REALIZED it or not . Jut imagined if you're the one that people made fun of . Harsh jokes SOMETIMES are fun but MOST of the times they're not . So remember .

annyeong !

hello hello people !

Did you realize i seem a bit overexcited today ? Did you ? Did you ?

wahahaha . actually ma & pa are coming home in 6 daaaayss ! i was like ' whooooooaaa ' . i set the calender in my phone to make an appointment the day they got here and when i saw the reminder i was again like ' whhooooaa '

hehe . sorry people just can't contain the good mood . Just had to share it !

TTFN !

haa .

today i'm just going to RAMBLE on about nothing !

Dear peoples in my life, i LOVE you guys !

seriously i do .

I've been sick for the last 2 days, my stomachs' been aching like freaking .

sooo ~ you know what i mean right .

on to the next topic . Been hearing Selena Gomez lately . Shee's sooo puuurrrty !

I'm so jealous of her . She is like so CUTE !

Anyway, i'm trying to fill up this post with nothing but gibberish . and my blog is freakin stupid . i can't assign colours to text . it will come out all wrong . Freakin stupid you know . Penat aku letak colour ni colour tu then bila da publish kluar colour lain . Bodo tak ? hahah . last last aku kena edit html . penat aku .

Lagiii , hmm apa yeah ?

oh oh !

Esok nk pg wedding kkk amal ! Teman ieka pg . hmm . Skali dgn tka ! don't forget hanym !

hahahah . (i'm starting to talk to myself AGAIN .)

besides itu, maaf kn la budak tak betul ni . Saya tgh bosssaaaaaaan !

Jadi inilah kerja saya !

^_^

supports and hopes .

i really have GOOD friends

a lot of you guys have been giving me words of support for the uitm incident .

Saya just nak cakap TERIMA KASIH SEMUA !

I'm really touched dgan korg semua punya support so now i've decided to not loose hope and apply again for the permohonan . I've decided on banking management . I think i can handle that . Actually ieka gave me the idea sebab dia pun apply banking and when i check back to the modules, i think i can handle it .

So now, i have to pray to Allah hoping she would grant this wish so i can make my parents and family proud of me . Once again thank you for all the support babies ! Lets all hope for the best !

pressures, tensions, and let downs .

i just found out i didn't get in UITM .

What the fuck am I going to do ?

Right now i feel like crying my eyes out . I don't know what else to do . I feel as if i've let down my parents somehow . I'm very confused right now . My credits were enough . I don't know why i didn't get in . Now i'm veryyy confused . I'm freakin out here .

What am i suppose to do now ?

i'm hungraaaaay .

the akk went out and so now i don't know what to eat . I'm a lazaaaay person sooo i don't wanna cook . So now i don't what to eat !

Hunggraaaayyy !

feelings, doubt and closure .

Lately i've been feeling really shitty .

Firstly, dalam post ni I wanted to say to Mr. F , I'm sorry . I never meant to hurt you in any way . I've loved you for seven years and I guess once you started to love me back I kinda felt nothing . At first, i was reaaaaally happy that you wanted me back . That finally you're showing me the care that i deserved, but after that i felt as if i'm forcing myself to like you . I guess i just needed the CLOSURE that i never got from you . So before i hurt you even more for not having genuine feelings towards you, better i be honest now right ?

So i'm sorry . I never EVER MEANT to hurt you ok ? So i hope you'll forgive me .

Ok on with the topic . Today Eyka called . She's been having a BAD day . Like really really bad . So me being the bestfriend, i'm bound to be there for her . After we're done txting and her rambling about everything that had happened today, I kinda told her first, to chill and then take a deep breath ( that almost always works ) . After that dia kata dia ok da . She just needed to let it all out . We all need that sometimes .

Now, i'm sitting in front of the lappy, all alone in my house thinking what i should do next . Maybe eat some chocolate and be done with it ?

barbecuing, sick and unable .

yesterday i went to my childhood friend Sabrina's barbecue . It was fun . Like a school reunion tp x ramai pun yg ada . There's eyka, ieka, amal, mok, rafi, nabil, badrul, and fattah . Best la jugak . Eyka ate everything there is to eat . Except chocolate cake . Tu pun because dia x perasan got choco cake tuu . ^_^

anywy went home, and then my head was aching like bad ! like really really bad .

skarng pun still sakitjugak but dah kurang sikit . malam tu tido around 11++ pm . Sleeping in aircond rasa macam nk demam . I was seriously not feeling so good yesterday . That explains my absence dekat facebook . Tak online langsung . Tido jaa .

Today woke up around 11 sebab nk tunggu pos laju . I ordered a couple of t-shirts online and then i was suppose to get it yesterday tapi I wasn't awake yet and the postman left macm tu aja . so okay dia anta hari ni . After tht around 2 my headache was back on with full-freaking-force . So i went back to sleep . Bangun pkul 4 . Memang tak larat laa ! pening macam nk pitaaam ja . Anywya ni dduk lama lama depan laptop pun rasa macam da ngionggg . =.=

When i'm feeling a bit better than now, i'll update again . Arraso ? ^_^

sleeping habits .

it's 6:33 AM and i'm still up in front of the lappy .

my sleeping time is getting later .

my eye-bags are getting worse !

i feel like the walking-dead .

=.=

the big big BANG !

after hearing rock mafia's the big bang, i kinda questioned my own life you know .

I kinda get what the song was conveying. It's saying that everybody has to have a ' big BANG!' in life to survive . Kinda like you have to have a purpose in life that's the BIG DREAM !

from the videoclip

It's saying that you have to do what you have to do when you're inspired, not just talk a LOT of BULLSHIT . You have to DO IT, not SAY IT. Right ? You have to have motivation to continue you're journey in life . The motivation untuk hidup with all the expectations, all the BULLSHITTING, all the lies, all the pains, and with all the happy things too . Macam the point of your ENTIRE being laa .

When i think back, i realized that i don't have this ' BIG DREAM ' we're suppose to have you

know . All my life, i've never thought about what i want to do with it . I just tried to take it one

day at a time . Besides that, i jut followed everything my family says . Of course me being the

naive baby girl of the family i'm bound to hear and obey what they say i guess .

Well i'm 18 now, and i AM starting to think for myself more now . I jut have to keep searching

for my big BANG . I'll tell you if i find it for sure ok ?

In the meantime, i'm just gonna continue living in today rather than worry about the future .

Boleh ?

lots to say .

when i started this blog in my mind was ,' I have soooo many things to say '

Now, i'm not saying i don't have anything to say . It's just i don't know where to start and when to stop .

Get what i mean ?

In my head, there's still some restrictions that i can't seem to overcome . The thing is, i do want to say everything thats on my mind but i can't help but think what people might think about it . It's like this , when you write about someone , don't you think about their feelings ? When you write something about yourself, you're gonna be thinking 'What would other people think when they are done reading this yeah ?'

So after that being said, i realized it's not just restrictions of the mind, it's also the fact that i think too much i guess . Also peer pressure ! That's the other thing !

Peer pressure is an UGLY, UGLY thing .

Ok so now i guess after writing all of this down, i feel a bit more comfortable speaking what i think . I guess i just needed to learn how to be more honest and speak my mind . You know ?

I'm gonna run along and be a good girl now (as if) and say what i want to say and do what i have to do .

like a house of cards .

Kalau dr jauh nmpak cantik jaa, tapi bila dekat sikit ja ka, or angin tiup ka ...... guaranteed everything falls dooooooown .

itu la suasana rumah kami dlam tempoh masa ma & pa went to Haji .

i'm like a bird .

today's topic has Something to do with HIM .

Ok F, i'm sorry for being a bit annoying today . i know kita x couple and all but you know i still love you . But what you don't know is that sometimes i feel as if you're not good enough for me. Macam tak puas hati pun ada jugak la . I kept thinking "Why did I like him soo much in all of the people in the world ?" . And everytime i fikir macam tu i jadi macam confused tau . My thoughts kept coming back to should i like him, should he like me, should i trust me ? Gosssshh .

This always occur in a girls heart, 'Should i trust him ?'

kenapa laaaaa kena jatuh hati dengan diaaaa ?

itu satu, besides tu sometimes i can't help but feel i wont fit in his world and he wont fit in in my world . Tht way of thinking will lead to me feeling not good enough for him . That's the real problem . I always like to think i'm not good enough for anyone . It' my inferiority complex . ^_^

So to say i'm always guilty is not that right either but to say i'm always right is an outright lie . I think our pasts relationship never had the stability other couples have . Besides we're not even a couple yet now but we're acting all lovey dovey and such . Sometimes I love him like hell but other times i fell like he's the bane of all my existence . I'm sorry F, but i have to say all this here because i can't say to outright . Actually i don't know how to say it outright . I'm not even sure wether you're gonna read this or not . So the feeling of not knowing is a

good feeling for me . Soo sorry ya ! ^_^

Other than that, i just have to say that i won't be writing this if i don't have any feelings for you dear . Oh about the bird topic, it's just away to describe my feeling of breaking from the restrictions of life , thts it . ^_^

tonight's agenda . ^_^

hahahahah ! tonight is sleep over night

soooo the thing is, eri is going back to KMP tomorrow at 7 p.m. and bcause of that kami decided untuk buat sleepover bersama ! at my house of course, takde nye my sister is going to give me tido rumah org lain . sooo on with the story . Mula mula went to Plaza Alam sentral with the akk and her children, to pick up the laptops (my lappie is all better now by the way ! =p) and after tht called eyka first ;

me ; Aweek , siap la ! Sy amik awk dlu !

eyka ; haaaa ? mental apa awk ni ? Sy x kemas baju apa semua ! Awk dekat mna ?

me ; hahah , sy dekat simpang tadika ni haaa ! haha ok ok siap ya ! bye !

hahah . the story sebenarnya nk pickup eri dlu ! nk lalu dkat sec. 20 tp the akk said lalu tempat yg x bnyak kereta so lalu la kami di sec 19 to sec 20 and thn pegi kdai sec 19 baru la baliik rumah. Now itu baru the beginning , bila da smpai rumh i remembered la bilik x kemas lagi . So i left them dekat bawh and went to clean my room . okay skipping the boring stuff.

Eri bawak laptop and there's like a looooot of movies dalam tu . So starts our movie marathon .

The first movie was Long Khong 3 . Ok for the record Eri, that movie was freakishly disgusting ! hahahahaha . All the guts SPEWING out and all the blood and lagi satu part yg dia pinned mata the grandfather ! I was like HUUUUUUUUAAAA ! hahahah . But

i loved it ! then kami turun bawah masak maggi kari and makan ramai ramai . Anywy, the second movie was 3 Idiots ! That movie was good . There was laughter and tears even stupid scenes that were freakishly cute . soo i loved it Eyka for your fyi .

Now we're in my room, talking, online-ing, gossiping, eating, erisha skype-ing with her hubby, eyka moping about missing her hubby and me just thankful tht we've been friends for this long .

I just wanted to say that i LOVE you guys no matter what happened, no matter what changed and I'll always be here for you ok ? So don't be afraid or ashamed to ask for help .

I LOVE YOU GUYS !

This are the arsenal fans ! hahah babies i love you !

third time's the charm

hahaha . like the tajuk of the post, THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM , sebenanya ini my third blog . the other two telah tergendala dan sudah DIDELETE . thanks to my laziness sy tinggalkn blog itu hanging jd itu la yg terjadi . ^_^

now i hope with this new blog i can say everything and anything . No matter how hard it is, no matter how painful it is . So sesiapa yg terasa, sesiapa yg disebut, and sesiapa yg mnjadi inspiration sy nk ucapkn ; Terima Kasih , I'm Sorry & You Rock Dude !


so seiapa yg baca ni sy nk kata ; WELCOME TO MY BLOG !